04032024

Watched Perfect Days with Alex. It filled me with a strange, vast feeling that made me think of Ana in a way I haven’t been able to access so fully in a long time. None of the anger or pain or fear. Just the warmth, and the clarity, and the tremendous, overwhelming love. I felt it again, all at once, for just a bit. It made me really happy, and then really sad. All of a sudden, right there in the middle of the street, I wanted to fall down and slip between the cracks in the subway grates and dissolve into a deluge of tears; but I didn’t, and couldn’t. I wish I did not remember all that. It makes me afraid.

Some time later, we tried to start a fire out of napkins and damp twigs cocooned in a sheet of aluminium foil set inside of a pizza box. It failed to catch, but it was ok. We achieved the effect we were seeking. The air was warm and pleasant today, positively vernal. These are dangerous nights. The kinds that make me believe my life could change for the better.