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I think this might be the longest I’ve gone having consecutively skipped writing a day’s entry since I started keeping these logs. I’ve just felt acutely sad and distracted these past few days for some reason, like my sense of purpose has become completely displaced. The other day I purchased Fallout 4 with the intent of upgrading my workflow from Skyrim, which had begun only very recently, to my surprise, showing its age in terms of the kinds of landscapes and shots I could set up. Switching over was definitely a good idea, as 4 has a lot better built-in support for more modern gear and whatnot, which is more appropriate for the settings and themes I typically cover.

The big issue though is that I completely lost sight of that goal after the first day and basically got completely enthralled with setting up my mod order. I’ve just been staying up late every night obsessively sorting through files and ordering dependencies to the point where I often find myself losing track of time, as if I’ve entered some kind of stupor. There’s a kind of strange, wretched pleasure to it: the monotony and frustration, the rare moments of thin elation when the game finally is able to launch even if just for a minute. It’s been almost a week now since I’ve worked on My Work is Not Yet Done and I need to write this month’s update later this week… I have to get back to work soon and finish what I set out to do.

Yesterday, Sawyer came over for the first time in a while (originally we were supposed to meet Saturday but I woke up too late). The weather this weekend was unusually pleasant compared to the cold of the past month or so and it was nice to walk around with him again. We watched a film called Gonjiam: The Haunted Asylum, which I’d been meaning to watch for a while but couldn’t summon the courage to do so myself. It was somehow scarier than I thought was initially possible.