11062019

Worked for a while on the spritework for the backpack UI screen, and aside from the labels, it’s pretty much finished. I have to figure out how I’m actually gonna implement the mouseover events – doing it by the sprite dimensions is gonna be an absolute pain in the ass, I’ll say that much right now – but at the end of the day, if it really gets down to it, I can just create a bunch of objects layered over one another and call it a day. I think I’ll work on implementing the basic mouseover event behaviour tomorrow: and maybe I’ll even have something to show for once.

It’s strange to think that I only started working on this project since the beginning of this month – but then I realise that that’s actually a good deal longer than I realise, and that it’s almost halfway through the month already. That concerns me greatly, and fills me with no small amount of anxiety. I haven’t made any significant efforts on But For Now, We Are Young since the end of last month (although today I did make a few very minor entries into the spec document); but my mood has begun to degrade once again and I feel that soon, I’ll be able to resume work on it once more. 

I started using OKCupid again for no apparent reason (no: the reason was that last night, I felt a tremendous pang of loneliness, more acute than usual, and sought to immediately fill it by seeking out the most socially encouraged form of partnership, which is coupling) and in a disturbingly short period of time I matched with this strangely attractive girl. We talked about sad Radiohead songs (what other kinds are there?) for a brief moment and for just that moment, I felt a kind of strange feeling that this might be – no, that this was – nice, that maybe I could get back into all of this, to rehabilitate into the fold of society; but then the moment passed and in the space left behind I realised I’d run out of things to say and I started feeling hopeless once again just like I always do and now I’m thinking she’s just not really that interested in me and now I’m thinking that I should just leave her alone and that this, all of this, was just a big mistake from the start, that maybe this just isn’t for me that I don’t deserve it if I’m not willing to tolerate even the mildest setback and that I don’t belong here and that this is a world in which I am no longer welcome and it’s all on me, a punchline I couldn’t quite catch, a joke on me but probably not.