13082020

Another slow day. Woke up around noon for no reason – I even went to bed fairly early last night – and still felt exhausted for a while. All throughout the day this steady tide of anger and spite just ebbed beneath the surface of everything. I felt overwhelmed by the desire to really hurt someone just because they had something I don’t, to beat them down and drag them to my level. Days like these are the worst. 

Anyways, I spent nearly eight hours just working on these sprites for the foraged plants/fungi, and my inefficiency just pissed me off even more. I did another reading for someone tonight though and hearing from her that it helped her a lot and that it was able to provide her with some clarity made me feel a bit better about things, about myself. 

Every day is just a constant uphill battle against what seems like an impossibly overwhelming cynicism, and the concomitant temptations of viciousness and violence. The only things that really manage to keep it back, however little at a time, are the moments in which I realise I actually can still help someone else. That I’m not yet completely obsolete.