15122019

Failed to make an entry yesterday as the internet was shut off for the entirety of the day. I’ve mostly just been working on more cinematics, and have managed as of today to more or less complete the intro sequence. I’ve also edited the music for the trailer a bit to feel better aligned with the more stark and minimalist pacing of the visuals. It’s been over a week now since I’ve worked on anything in the game itself and it feels strange. Now that the most major work is done though (well, hopefully, at least), I can get back to working on new environments again. In two days I’ll have reached the original deadline for having finished production on the trailer. 

I’ve been feeling pretty disturbed lately lately, and the one day without internet really crystallised that feeling for me into a tangible reality. Today I fell asleep at 1300 and slept for almost twelve hours with few interruptions, experiencing a number of incredibly strange and vivid dreams whose physical toll I could feel in my body after I awoke. I had an argument today with my mother – the usual things, what else – that further exacerbated my general unease into an overwhelming cloud of palpable dread and anger. I thought I was getting better this entire time, that I was improving and becoming a better person… calmer, kinder, more forgiving. In reality though, maybe it was just because I went unchallenged for too long, that I developed a false sense of progress. That this whole time I’ve just been under some kind of delusion of self-improvement. Well, it’s as they say. It doesn’t matter how many things you do right, as long as you manage to do one thing wrong at just the wrong time.