16012020

The Kickstarter experienced a rather extreme upwards spike in activity today of which I’m still trying to make sense; but needless to say I have basically no concerns anymore that it’ll hit its funding goal. Accounting for this aberration for the postmortem is gonna be… challenging, to say the least, and honestly leaves me feeling a bit conflicted; but I’ll try my best.

To be honest though, as elated and kinda blown away as I am by the sheer increase in volume of attention I’ve received today, some part of me also can’t help but feel a bit wary of it – to put it lightly – and it’s come with a spike of pretty intense, although subdued anxiety. Before, the vast majority of my backers were people to whom I had some personal connection, or for whom someone I trust could vouch regarding character and intentions. But the volume of backers now has just increased so significantly and suddenly that I can no longer keep track, nor do I feel like I have the energy to even to attempt to keep track anymore; I’ve completely lost sight, not to even mention control, of the scope and scale of my campaign and that fills me with a kind of tremendous unease.

I’m not gonna lie, a lot of this feeling probably comes out of residual paranoia about what happened with MA: the fear and intense suspicion of sudden exposure, the reactive shunning of the general public as a defence mechanism… well, at the very least, I now know that no matter what happens, I feel confident that I’m much better equipped to handle it than before, in virtually every possible way. If nothing else, this campaign has proved to me just how many people out there – both the ones I already knew, and the ones who surprised me – care about my success in some way and will have my back when I need help. I only hope that one day I’ll be able to do the same for them.