Month: October 2025

Truth is, I’ve been slacking off. I don’t know what it is but I’ve just gotten so lazy again. Listless and complacent. I know my life isn’t a mess right now, but it feels like it is. No, maybe “a mess” isn’t the right phrase, just… half-hearted. I’m living in a very half-hearted way, just drifting day to day, week to week, buoyed by a steady stream of dopamine surges. I always find myself back here: maybe this is just how everyone lives? Carried along by a current of cheap, undemanding entertainment and mild but pleasant surprises, the gentle swell of anxiety humming freely, soundlessly just beneath. It doesn’t sound too bad at all. But man, I just want to make progress on my game again. I want to finish this thing before I let myself go.

It’s been a while since I’ve made an entry. I haven’t really been working on the game much these past few weeks, although I very much want to. I’ve been too distracted with other things lately: the various businesses of existing, I guess. I find myself longing for the simplicity of my days in Lisbon. I’m tempted every day to just give all of this pretence up and go back: not to a specific place, but to a moment in my life where I had no greater goals or context for my life beyond the immediacy of my work. In an odd kind of way, although my life is quite alright these days, I miss the single-mindedness of it all. I feel like I’ve lost focus in my life.

I guess I’m not going to London anymore.