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Didn’t end up visiting Norah after all: turns out she was too hungover apparently from whatever she was doing last night and felt too tired to meet. Well, no surprises there, I suppose. This happens nearly every time: we’ll schedule some time to meet and everything will seem fine right up until several hours before the agreed time, when she’ll tell me that for whatever unpredictable reason she no longer wishes to meet. She’ll then offer to schedule it to some other day but both of us know that it’s just a displacement of responsibility for the moment. I guess in some sense her ability to disappoint never quite fails to disappoint.

As they say though, fool me once…

Anyways, that ended up completely throwing me off so despite starting off the day in a productive mindset, I ended up losing control and slipped back into a state of vague uselessness. I just sat around all day and played video games in a state of mind so disconnected from the tasks at hand that I can’t even recall in any detail what I actually played today. I’ll have to make up the lost work tomorrow.

I have to stop placing so much emphasis on the presence of others when it comes to planning. People always end up coming up with some bullshit excuses and honestly, I can’t really blame them, because I do it too, and I’m even doing it right now, probably to a more harmful degree, pushing the responsibility for my frustration and the resulting ineptitude onto the (in)action of a convenient other. But who wants to confront their own shortcomings willingly? At the end of the day I suppose it really is just best after all to place one’s faith and sense of balance in work above all else. At least that way the only person I can blame for letting me down is myself.