25072022

The other guys couldn’t make it into the office today either, after all. Another no-start day. 

If I’m being honest with myself, I’m certain I’m on the knife’s edge of burning out. I can feel its weight pulling me down every time I try getting started. It’s the little things, really: waking up in the heat only to realise I’m gonna be spending the entire day moving around UI elements pixel by pixel with virtually nothing meaningful to show of it by the end of the day. Or opening up some code thinking I’d need to make a few adjustments or additions here and there, only to realise that I don’t understand a single thing I wrote years ago now. 

It’s not even a matter of bloat so much as it is just pure noise. It’s like every step I take, even if I’m certain it’s in the right direction, it’s met with a nearly opaque wall of noise that discombobulates and utterly disorients my sense of both purpose and direction. For the past six months, maybe even a year, it’s felt like nearly every time I’ve sat down to work on something, I’m just stumbling endlessly headlong through darkness with no measurable sign of progress. 

Realistically I should take a break. But I’m already too far behind where any time I stop working it just feels wrong. I’m gonna bring it up this week at the meeting. Until then, I think I’m just going to try my best to take the next few days carefully.