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Didn’t return to work today, after all. I’ll just be honest: I’ve lost momentum, is all. I spent the day reading and lying down. Taylor held a going-away party last night. I will miss her deeply, and quietly. I’ve been thinking too much about Ana lately. I have terrible nightmares. It’s exactly as she’d feared, I guess: there’s not much of a living human presence left in all those thoughts these days, after all. It’s been long enough that things have grown too indistinct. I’m no longer able to reconcile my memories of her with the ongoingness of an actual person in the world. It’s exactly as I’d feared, I guess. And yet —

There is no use in any of it. I’m useless. I’ve let myself get distracted again by all this. I will make an effort at cleaning tomorrow, and then I will attempt to resume work in the evening. It will be nice to see the doctor again.