26102021

Registered the company today. I guess that means this is now… “official”. (At the very least, to the IRS, whom I’ve managed to evade thus far these past 24 years, though now, no longer.) It’s a bit of a strange feeling. I simultaneously feel as if I feel nothing, but also – that feeling in itself carries with it its own valence and weight, which is palpable in my chest. 

I had a bit of a strange session today. I felt terribly inarticulate in the moment, and for several hours afterwards it was as if the burden upon me had only multiplied: but then I fell asleep this evening and discovered that, upon waking, I felt a sense of clarity come over me, that has eluded me these past few days. I feel much closer to the doctor after today for some reason, too.

I immediately set about working. It’s not that the pain itself is gone, per se (if anything, it’s perhaps even more pronounced); but rather, like suddenly, I can see it much better, and hold it within my hand, so that it no longer feels so vast and undefinable.