17102021

Felt off again today. I can articulate it more clearly now, though: it’s loneliness. In relearning what it’s like to be in the presence of others, I’ve lost my tolerance for solitude; and am only now beginning to confront with painful clarity just how abject my loneliness was these past few years. All of a sudden, my own presence has become alien to me. I can’t get anything done on my own anymore. It’s like my sense of self has, in the process of over-correcting for its missed trajectory, become completely neutered such that even just a day spent in absence feels debilitating. This shit kinda fucking sucks…