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Didn’t get anything done whatsoever today. Felt pretty awful for most of the day, caught a bad headache this afternoon that completely drained my will to do anything. I’ve been feeling absolutely awful lately, although I’m sure you can tell just as much by my progress (or lack thereof). Trying to take my mind off it makes me feel like shit because I immediately recognise that I’m trying to distract myself; yet acknowledging it feels even worse because nobody wants to confront the evidence of their own failure, especially when it’s this profound. 

I find myself passively wishing from time to time that I could just shoot myself in the head and be done with the lot of it, for better or worse. Well, to be or not to be – I guess that really is the question at the end of the day; and unfortunately, we all know the answer to that one already, at least as far as our present lives are concerned. To keep on being then, until the choice is no longer mine.