25062021

Once again woke up feeling unnaturally exhausted. Spent the entire afternoon looking into potential designs for the cooking system, but I just kept on getting constantly frustrated everywhere I looked. I think I just need to learn how to let go of things for a bit and allow them to gestate naturally… Of course, if only I also had the luxury of an indefinite timeline.

In reality, I actually effectively do – have the luxury of an indefinite timeline, that is, or at the very least one freed from the usual pressures and extortions of reality. I guess that’s the part that really gets me: that I’ve been working “full-time” for two years now, well past any and all projected dates and goalposts, and the end, although within sight now, still seems so frustratingly far away. 

On one hand, I feel like I’m constantly being distracted by a whole host of stupid and irrelevant things and feelings, while on the other hand I’m perfectly aware of the fact that some things really cannot be brute-forced on a timeline, that it’s exactly time and thought and deliberation that allows them to form into something more clear and honest. I just wish I didn’t have to place so much fucking stress on myself all the time.