31032020

Not much work today. I fixed the behaviour of the receptacle for the outpost’s storage bin, and beyond that, spent most of my working hours this afternoon editing a release for the full transcript of the interviews I did for the recent Rock Paper Shotgun article. It’s now available for access on Medium or Google Docs.

I can’t believe March is already over… this month has felt simultaneously very short yet also almost impossibly long, to the point where even the beginning of the month feels like it was years ago. Time has truly become fluid in a way that I haven’t felt in a real long time, maybe since university. Even then though, I had a daily schedule to look forward to (or not), a weekly schedule of classes to ignore, a semester to parse the passing of the seasons. Now, though, not only has time collapsed, but the whole idea of schedule, too: it seems like the idea of the world is collapsing in real-time, the effects dramatically accelerated beyond the usually glacial rate behind which all decay can be normalised and concealed. 

In a way it’s kinda liberating actually: I haven’t felt this utterly free of any expectations in a long time, realising that, at least for the moment, all the things that weighed down on me so much before – finding a job, a partner, an external sense of self and meaning – have completely evaporated in the midst of crisis. And to be completely honest, I must admit that I think I’m deriving some genuine satisfaction from all of this: at seeing the frustration and anger, even desperation beginning to build as people start getting restless, start being confronted with the magnitude of their own impotence and irrelevance in face of all that’s happening. It’s not glee I feel, or superiority, or even spite: just a sense of profound calmness and relaxation, knowing that their power over me has begun to unravel and weaken. That, maybe for just this moment, we’re living in my world now.