Author: Spencer

Spent most of today figuring out how to implement the save/load system for the log entries. I finally managed to get it working right after several hours of rather frustrating fiddling: basically, the ds_grid containing all the log entries and their relevant information is written into a virtual grid made up of two ds_lists, which is then added to a ds_map and encoded via JSON. All of this is done in a DAT file. When it comes time to load, the DAT file is opened, and the massive string (generated by json_encode in the save script) is decoded from JSON into a useable ds_map, which is then unraveled line by line essentially back into the ds_grid. If all of this sounds a bit abstruse, don’t worry, it was even worse to figure out.

I’m gonna try to completely finish the Log application by the end of the weekend. Tomorrow I’m probably also gonna take a brief detour to create a new environment for #screenshotsaturday: I reckon I can only show the same interface so many weeks in a row before people start getting tired; and anyways, it’s been a while since I’ve worked on a new environment anyways.

All in all, this month has started off pretty well.

April is already over… I feel like at the end of every month for the past year at least I’ve been expressing an ever-increasing amount of both bewilderment and anxiety in equal parts at how quickly time has passed, always concluding that the most recent month seemed to have passed especially quickly… but I feel that this month in particular has really passed by uncomfortably fast. All of a sudden the amount of time I have left compared to the amount of work I still have to finish has begun to feel terribly daunting…

I spent a few hours today trying to work through the backend of the log entry storage system. It involved reading a lot of documentation and forum posts, but I think I’ve finally figured it out. I implemented a two-column ds_grid solution: the first column stores the text for each log and the second column stores whether the text has been written yet (in-game, that is, once the player submits a new entry). When the game begins, a certain fixed amount of entries will be prepopulated to represent older entries Avery wrote in the past, which are all readable. New entries will throw an error message (”The entry you searched for does not exist.”) until Avery/the player submits the respective entry. 

I’m still trying to figure out the exact details for it but I think I’m gonna implement a search-based system instead of the traditional list when it comes to presenting the log entries for the player to read. While the list is a more immediately familiar interface, both for the average player and when it comes to average software design, I’m leaning towards a search-based design in which the player/Avery must manually type out a number, which then is submitted as a search and if a corresponding case entry exists, it’ll be brought up. That saves me a lot of time in sorting through the grid and trying to figure out how to skip empty entries, to name just one issue that it solves. I might add in the ability to move backwards and forwards – namely, between the previous and next entry – but we’ll see about that tomorrow.

I also implemented mouse-based scrolling for the actual stored logs themselves. It’s a bit rudimentary right now and is strictly tied to the mouse’s position in the room instead of a fixed point (meaning it can’t be scrolled with the mouse wheel or keys, which is the ideal implementation); but the fix shouldn’t be too difficult I think (/ hope). 

Another somewhat unproductive day. To be completely honest I don’t remember what exactly I worked on, but in general, I spent time planning out the backend for storing written logs, and began to implement that. This shit has really ground my workflow to a halt honestly… if this lasts longer than tomorrow, I think I’m just gonna move on to something else for the time being.

Went to bed early last night around 2200 hoping I’d wake up earlier. Well, when I woke, it was still completely dark. I figured it was around 0500 and that I’d just lie in bed and think over some stuff for an hour until sunrise – then I looked at the clock and realised it was only 0100. I ended up not only completely failing at what I initially intended, but I actually managed to fuck up my sleep schedule even more, as I wasn’t able to fall back asleep until, ironically enough, 0500. 

As a direct result of that, when I finally got out of bed (around 1300), I felt listless and couldn’t bring myself to work on anything, especially something as technically involved as trying to figure out a save system. Instead I spent the rest of the day working on revamping a number of assets for the Steam store page. I think the changes I made were improvements across the board… but you never know with these kinds of things, maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow, look at them, and feel like they’re total shit. 

That’s how it is with this kind of stuff: every few months I’ll take a look at a graphic or something I made earlier and suddenly something will stand out to me as needing correction, and then I’ll have to go back to every single public instance where that graphic occurs and update it accordingly. It’s a real pain in the ass. I wish I could just get things right the first time.

Made a number of minor improvemenets and changes to the log experience, the most significant of which being the addition of a fully functional main menu screen that allows the player to write new entries, access stored entries, upload any local entries to cloud storage (which can only happen in a specific window of time during the day), and exit to the home page. 

As I just mentioned, I also implemented a day counter into the game finally, as well as a global variable tracking the status of the outpost’s connection to the satellite server, which only becomes stable enough to sustain full networked activity for a brief, semi-randomised period during the day (anywhere between ten minutes to two in-game hours, occurring any time between midnight and 0300). This way the player is constantly given the choice of whether it’s worthwhile to keep Avery up pretty late into the night waiting for the signal to come online so she can upload her logs (and save the game for the player), which will cause her to sleep longer and thus waste daylight the next day. 

I’ve been thinking a lot more about timekeeping in the game, and I think at some point – maybe tomorrow if I get tired of this interface stuff – I’d like to experiment with the idea of implementing a mindmap of sorts, that allows the player to direct Avery to “reflect” on certain concepts (ie, how she feels overally, how hungry she is, etc). Amongst these I think I’ll add a prompt that allows her to estimate the time based on the available light, within a range of the actual backend time. When she’s indoors, or where there’s little meaningful natural light such as when it’s raining, this will be more difficult, if not outright impossible, for her. I’ll start drafting all that tomorrow I suppose. 

In the meantime I still have to figure out how to store logs. I’m thinking I’ll just take the easy way out and keep two copies of each log – one finished, and one to-be-finished – that get synced up once Avery submits them. I’m too tired right now though to think through it properly, I’m just gonna go to sleep and hopefully it’ll come much more clearly to me tomorrow.

Didn’t get as much work done today as I would have liked, but I managed to definitively solve a pretty major issue that kept on populating the ds_list storing all the separate log entries, which caused them to repeat. It was because, for whatever senseless reason, I’d placed the ds_list_add command in the Step event, causing the list to be refilled every single step. The solution was extremely straightforward once I figured it out but I’m not sure why it took me this long to figure out. I also added a word counter to the log entries themselves.

Tomorrow I’m gonna focus my attention on trying to save, store, and access entries, as well as a window prompt that appears when the player attempts to manually exit the log prior to it being completed.

Not too much work today, just spent time writing new entries and fixing some bugs that prevented suggestions from being displayed properly in the console. I’m gonna try to get some more substantial work done tomorrow, hopefully in saving and storing written logs. I want to be able to finish up all of this stuff with the log system by the end of next week.

Started working today on the text input backend for the log entry UI. I’m not sure if I’m entirely satisfied with my current implementation – I imagined it was gonna be a bit more like a traditional text editor compared to what it is now, which is more like… a longform messaging service? – but maybe a good deal of that has to do with the fact that the overall visuals are pretty unsatisfying currently. 

It includes audio, which I’m not sure how to handle: I initially had it so that each keypress input one letter, but the overall process was incredibly slow and taxing upon one’s fingers after a while, and on top of that, the audio for each keypress played too quickly so that it sounded really robotic and not lifelike at all. As a solution to both issues I’ve currently implemented a solution which involves having the player hold down a key to advance the text automatically (as opposed to manually typing in each key), which then loops a prerecorded audio sample over it. It’s still rather tiring in the way that I initially intended as the player has to sit there and “manually” enter the text in a way, without being overly taxing to the point of frustration. This also makes it easier for me to implement controller support later on as well in a very straightforward manner, as opposed to individual keypresses.

Well, I’ll continue experimenting with it moving forward.

Tomorrow I’d like to try to implement a system for it to save/load written entries, as well as the ability to read previous entries. Hopefully I won’t have to build an entirely separate object for it and I’ll be able to keep it all pretty contained… but we’ll see.

Finally got to work on the workstation UI: completely finished the login/logoff animations and started implementing the foundation of the command prompt, which I’m gonna try to fully set up (at least visually) by the end of tomorrow. Today was a pretty productive day and I’m satisfied with both the rate of my work, as well as my overall mood and ability to stay concentrated.

Started the day off intending to work on the UI for the computer, but ended up almost immediately switching over to writing some more logs. I got a pretty substantial amount done today: two full entries, and a bunch of revisions and edits on some former ones as well.

Jacob released ITTA today! So far it seems to be doing quite well, both commercially and critically. I hope the rest of the week goes well for him…

Making my entry a bit early today: I woke up very late, around 1400, and just felt incredibly tired, so I decided to take the day off to refocus my attention and recuperate some energy. Tonight I’m gonna review my list of priorities and write up a new task list for this week. I’m also going to try to go to sleep earlier so I can wake up back on schedule tomorrow.

Finished and submitted the Ludum Dare Entry, called “First Love / Late Spring”. I’m quite satisfied with how it turned out, although we could’ve used a bit more time fixing bugs… All in all Ludum Dare was a very good experience, and I’m glad I participated.

Tomorrow it’s back to work as usual. Even though it’s just been a weekend, it still feels good to return to schedule.

Thought the submission deadline for Ludum Dare was tonight, but it’s in fact tomorrow (Monday) at 2100, meaning we have an extra day to work. We finished up all the fundamental framework – for better or worse… – meaning that all the work tomorrow will just be spent on whatever additional content we feel like adding for fun and flavour. 

Working on all this has given me a lot of experience and motivation to get back to work proper, especially considering that just before I started this side project I was struggling to find a sense of structure while setting up the diegetic UI for Work. This detour has definitely improved my sense of confidence in myself and my ability to work quickly and with great intent; not to mention my mood in general. 

Woke up at 0700 and spent the rest of the day working basically continuously on the Ludum Dare entry with Nate and Jacob. It’s the most productive I’ve both felt and, in virtually every sense, been in over a year now I reckon. I’m quite surprised not only how efficiently I was able to process the tasks at hand – which admittedly I underestimated pretty dramatically, to put it one way – but also how consistently I was able to work throughout the day and stay focused. It really helps to have good friends to work alongside, as well as the brevity of the overall project. I have high hopes for the project, and it’s already turning out considerably more impressive than my initial expectations allowed.

Woke up late today around 1400 even though I specifically made sure to go to bed on time last night… I struggled for about an hour to figure out what to do, before starting work on building the framework for the computer. I got the basic animation for accessing it ready – it shifts in from the bottom into the centre of the view, and then zooms in until the in-game screen fills the actual screen (probably gonna have Avery log off every time she finishes using it so it reverts to a static screen that can be used every time the animation plays instead of having to fuck around with a dynamic surface) – so next time I work on it I’ll probably design the login screen, with an automatic password fill animation, with a login sequence. 

In the meantime Jacob, Nate and I are participating in Ludum Dare Jam this weekend, so the next two days’ work is cut out for me. The idea we came up with is very interesting to me and I’m excited to see how it turns out. 

Woke up on time for the first time in a while today at 0630, and spent the morning until just after 1300 recording foley for the washer-dryer and implementing 3D audio in-game, after which I fell asleep for some time. It sounds pretty good now and the 3D audio works well to sell the effect. Although it’s not really the most interesting or important thing by any means, I’m still satisfied with the effect and consider the day’s efforts to have gone well.

Woke up late around 1300 and didn’t work on anything in-engine all day. I spent most of the afternoon writing up the update for this month, which you can read on Kickstarter here as usual. It felt a bit more taxing to write than usual but maybe that’s just because I haven’t written anything meaningful in a while. Tomorrow I’m gonna try my best to start working on something more substantial: maybe more interface stuff, or some more environments (which I haven’t really touched in what feels like over a month now). It’s still a bit early to say for sure but I have a feeling I’ll probably work this Sunday again too. 

Implemented JSON-based save/load system for room-based objects (ie, fire structures, the bivouac, etc). It was surprisingly straightforward and went without any major issues whatsoever.

As part of this, I also switched the initial player spawn from an actual in-room object, to an independent instance_create call that runs in the room’s creation code, and checks to see if the player object already exists (which it should, as the player object is persistent). This functionally means that the player can now return to the starting gorge area.

I spent the rest of the afternoon working on this month’s Kickstarter update. It’s not anywhere near done yet but I think I’ll be able to get it published at a respectable time tomorrow: the article itself is pretty straightforward in terms of topics (UI stuff, the outpost), so I don’t foresee any potential blocks.

Woke up at nearly 1400, then spent the rest of the afternoon more or less responding to emails. By the time I was finished I wasn’t really in the mood to do any in-engine work so I spent some time working on conceptual stuff. 

The most major decision I’ve come upon is the implementation of a world clock, which will start ticking as soon as the game is loaded, and track changes and events across every part of the world. This means that the player can at any given moment be “missing out” on one event or the other, and that it will be impossible to experience every possible thing in the game in a single playthrough. This not only is a more realistic solution I imagine – seeing that in reality, events occur entirely agnostic most of the time of one specific observer – but it also encourages multiple playthroughs to experience “everything” the game has to offer. The idea originally came to me after seeing a video of a Dead Rising playthrough recommended to me on YouTube.

Easter. Implemented interactions – audio and visual cues – for when Avery interacts with locked doors. Nothing fancy, but work is work. Also spent some time cleaning up the overall project structure.

Built the foundation for viewing documents, starting with the poster for decontamination procedures in the outpost washdown room. Graphics such as documents will now be displayed at full-resolution, preserving the crispness and legibility of text. They can be panned vertically using both the movement keys and the mouse wheel. I didn’t add horizontal motion given the aspect ratio of the screen; I don’t think it’ll be necessary but if it is for whatever reason it should be very easy to implement.

I went to bed almost at sunrise yesterday (or perhaps today…), I stayed up all night playing Modern Warfare for no particular reason and woke up some time around 0200. I really need to rein myself in and regain some control. My work schedule this week has been pretty poor so I think I’m gonna continue working tomorrow as well instead of taking the day off as I normally would. Hopefully it’ll make up for some of the work I lost this week due to my inefficiency.

Finished up the audio for the shower and implemented functionality for the toilet. Tomorrow I’m gonna draft some interior graphics – various diagrams and posters and such – which will the player will be able to view. I’m not sure yet how I’m gonna handle the resolution issue; ideally I’d like the player to be able to zoom and pan the image but depending on how difficult that is to implement (I imagine it’s gonna involve some bullshit with views), I might just not bother. We’ll see though tomorrow…

Completely finished up the toilet, and implemented several QoL changes to the action menu UI that improve its flexibility universally. I still have to work on the shower tomorrow but it’s not too much work; I’ve just been lagging behind for no particularly good reason.

I’ve been waking up later and later this week: today I didn’t get out of bed until 1300. I’m not exactly sure what it is. I’ve actually been feeling pretty okay lately, and I don’t feel particularly tired or lethargic during the day either. I’m also not going to bed at unreasonably late times. I guess my discipline has just loosened for whatever reason.

Finished up the audio for defecating in the outpost toilet. I still have to make audio for urination and implement the appropriate excretal mechanics but neither of those should be particularly difficult and I imagine I’ll be able to get them done quickly tomorrow. I’d also like to get the audio for the shower done tomorrow as well, and implement the basic foundation for hygiene.

Implemented basic interactions for interior toilet and shower modules. The player can now enter and exit them properly. I held off working on them for a while because I thought I’d had to do special animations or whatever but the solution was thankfully much more straightforward in reality. Tomorrow I want work on the audio for them and hopefully get them finished up proper. 

Woke up late today around 1100, and felt a complete lack of motivation to do anything, let alone work. After answering some emails shortly after I woke, I spent the rest of the day just playing video games, without any real sense of purpose or even desire. I thought about perhaps making up some work tonight… but honestly, I don’t feel like I’d be able to get anything done anyways at this point even if I did make an effort. Hopefully I’ll have a better time tomorrow…

Took the day off. Finally picked up Modern Warfare for PC – it’s quite good, it feels a bit different in pacing from what I remember of what I played on PS4 (although I’m not quite sure if the $45 I spent has really justified itself yet).

Finished up the initial pass for the whiteboard today, and got it uploaded for #screenshotsaturday. The idea is that it’ll gradually change over the course of the game to reflect events and thoughts; I’m not sure how many variants I plan on making yet but it shouldn’t be too difficult to implement once I do manage to figure out. 

My goal for the end of this month is to completely finish up the outpost, and all of the miscellaneous player interaction animations such as smoking, and variations for eating different sizes of rations. The outpost interactions are coming along quite nicely and most of the remaining ones are not too bad; the most difficult ones I foresee are gonna be the computer and the food printer, both of which require extensive UI frameworks to be built. 

I think once I finish all the basic animations – I think all that’s really left are the shower and the toilet, although I’m yet not sure if I’m gonna add anything else – I’ll start dedicating work to diegetic interfaces. The three biggest ones are the computer – which itself is at least two different systems – and the food printer, as I just mentioned; and the PDA, which is already partially built but not fully implemented in a satisfactory manner yet. I’ll most likely start with that lattermost one. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish up the basic interactions by the end of next week. 

I’d like to start formally writing in-game documents some time soon as well… hopefully I’ll be able to reach that stage by next month. If I can hit all these goals by then, I’ll have mostly recovered the progress I lost these past two months and be on track again towards my initial schedule.

Implemented basic functionality for the whiteboard (no longer a corkboard…) and started designing the layout for it. Also started working on a basic fog effect, whose purpose will remain obscured for now. Tomorrow I’m gonna finish working on the layout of the whiteboard so I can get it up for a post, and maybe start tuning the appearance and behaviour of the fog so that next week I can integrate it fully into the weather and time system.

Worked on some new furniture. Implemented a locking mechanism for the outpost which allows the main door to be locked from the inside, as well as a “corkboard” containing the map and a bunch of objective-related documents (which I’ll work on tomorrow). I hope the latter will be able to give the player a vague sense of direction in terms of what to potentially investigate over the general arc of the game.

Worked on a bit of interior decoration for the outpost today. I felt oddly tired throughout the day, and my thoughts felt a bit languorous. I should start heading to bed a bit earlier, I reckon…

+ Added a bunch of miscellaneous background clutter and objects to the outpost, with particular focus on the washdown room (for now)
? Fixed the receptacle behaviour for the outpost storage bin: now opens and closes properly
? Fixed up the pack’s interaction text to display more consistently using the new interaction UI

Not much work today. I fixed the behaviour of the receptacle for the outpost’s storage bin, and beyond that, spent most of my working hours this afternoon editing a release for the full transcript of the interviews I did for the recent Rock Paper Shotgun article. It’s now available for access on Medium or Google Docs.

I can’t believe March is already over… this month has felt simultaneously very short yet also almost impossibly long, to the point where even the beginning of the month feels like it was years ago. Time has truly become fluid in a way that I haven’t felt in a real long time, maybe since university. Even then though, I had a daily schedule to look forward to (or not), a weekly schedule of classes to ignore, a semester to parse the passing of the seasons. Now, though, not only has time collapsed, but the whole idea of schedule, too: it seems like the idea of the world is collapsing in real-time, the effects dramatically accelerated beyond the usually glacial rate behind which all decay can be normalised and concealed. 

In a way it’s kinda liberating actually: I haven’t felt this utterly free of any expectations in a long time, realising that, at least for the moment, all the things that weighed down on me so much before – finding a job, a partner, an external sense of self and meaning – have completely evaporated in the midst of crisis. And to be completely honest, I must admit that I think I’m deriving some genuine satisfaction from all of this: at seeing the frustration and anger, even desperation beginning to build as people start getting restless, start being confronted with the magnitude of their own impotence and irrelevance in face of all that’s happening. It’s not glee I feel, or superiority, or even spite: just a sense of profound calmness and relaxation, knowing that their power over me has begun to unravel and weaken. That, maybe for just this moment, we’re living in my world now.

Worked on a “new” – in reality, it’s mostly just a composite – animation for Avery opening her bag without fully taking it off (allowing the player to ideally access the contents of the bag quickly on the go) as part of the animation for unloading the pack in the decontamination chamber; but in reality, I’m not sure it’s gonna be used in any capacity, because a) the former presents a lot of individual logistical issues in its own right and b) the animation is, at least in its present form, unsuitable for the latter purpose. 

I’m thinking that either I’m gonna have to just bite the bullet and create an entirely new animation, which will be annoying but probably the most straightforward solution; or I’ll create an interface menu that opens up when the pack is unloaded, obscuring the actual animation (or lack thereof). Of course, that means I have to design a new interface altogether, which means I’d have to figure out the information structure for what gets transferred over and how it gets transferred, which gets into the altogether different subject of the inventory, which is something I don’t really want to deal with right now…

In either case, I’m kinda at an impasse and my only conceivable paths forward it seems are all deeply unappealing in their own ways. Usually I’d just shift focus to something else in these cases and defer the decision, but I can’t stop thinking about this particular issue because it’s the last thing remaining before I can declare the decontamination sequence completely finished… 

Maybe I’ll just work on some of the other interior furniture tomorrow and take some time to plan it out.

Took the day off. Nothing new to report.

A very productive day, and I even managed to wrap up early! Spent the morning finishing up all the things I set as goals yesterday – namely, all of elements of the entry decontamination sequence – and then recorded and mixed two new audio tracks, for walking indoors (barefoot, and with shoes on). I also composited a new ambient track for the interior, which is a very low industrial-sounding hum, that does a good job filling in the silence without feeling overbearing. All I have left to add to the outer sequence is the container for the pack, which will most likely involve a pretty complex animation (and accompanying audio), but otherwise straightforward implementation. I’m not sure if I want to take tomorrow off or not; but whatever I decide on, that’s gonna be my next objective.

Today was a bit less productive than I intended but I still got a decent amount of work done, the most major being the completion of the audio for the external decontamination shower. I also modified the mask for the vestibule shadow a bit to accommodate for a more natural transition. 

Tomorrow I’d like to completely finish up the decontamination sequence, audio included. While it’s not a lot of work in terms of sheer content, it’s still pretty substantial so I imagine it’ll take a real concerted effort and some organisation. I think it’ll be worth it however, and I’ll finally have finished a process that’s taken me by this point far longer than it had any right to take.

Another productive day. Spent most of the time cleaning up the UI for the console, reducing its height to the upper letterbox margin, along with a number of other changes:

? Fixed input glitch that previously prevented arguments from being read properly; the fps and create commands now function as intended

+ Added tgm (god mode) and tbm (build mode) commands, which respectively toggle invulnerability to survival elements, and uncapped resource requirements

In regards to other miscellaneous fixes:

? Fixed bug preventing fire from being lit when using the butane lighter. The fire can now be successfully lit after the flame is present for some time.

? Fixed bug causing grass surface to be cleared upon entering/exiting fullscreen. The grass surface is now repopulated and drawn properly, so that it displays correctly even when surfaces change.

Finished up the animation for the external decontamination shower; just gotta add the text prompt and audio tomorrow and it’ll be complete. I’ll probably get that done tomorrow, as well as the internal hygienic shower and toilet animations. Those are probably gonna be a bit more complex as I have to create an animation for actually entering them, but I think I should be able to repurpose the one for opening/closing regular doors – we’ll see. The door layers will also probably have to be duplicated as overlay objects.

Today was not as productive as yesterday but I still managed to maintain a steady pace throughout the morning. I worked on more furniture for the outpost, implementing the toilet and shower I made yesterday, as well as rearranging the room a bit to accommodate the new facilities. I imagine that tomorrow’s work will be much of the same as well. I was distracted around noon though by the arrival of a new major content update for Breakpoint, so the rest of my day’s work proceeded at a spottier rate. I think it’s okay though so long as tomorrow I’m able to get back on schedule.

Missed my entry yesterday because I fell asleep again in the evening, but there wasn’t much of anything to report anyways. Today was considerably more productive, and I managed to maintain a steady and consistent pace of work all throughout the day. I managed to accomplish a number of tasks, the most major one being a significantly-improved UI experience for the developer console (which has also had a number of commands added/cleaned up). I spent the latter half of the day working on new sprites for furniture within the outpost, which I’ll hopefully be able to implement tomorrow.

I’ve been feeling pretty disrupted lately on a number of levels. Gonna just try to just work through it…

Another wasted day, spent nearly the entirety of it asleep. The few hours that I was awake, I just reviewed some notes and read a bit. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the role of history in lending legitimacy to faith on the cosmic level. Not just in the sense that ancient traditions are afforded legitimacy solely by their endurance in broader memory; but more specifically the ways in which religious principles are so often, in so many systems of faith across the world both present and past (and probably future), grounded in what are astonishingly concrete and local histories. 

You can still (and to this day, a not-insignificant number of people definitely do in the name of pilgrimage) walk the exact routes between locations described in the Bible; virtually all of the places are or at some point were real. Here’s the clearing where the angels descended to earth and had a picnic; here’s the mountain which God struck in two with lightning to deliver a point. Eden for all its mythical glory could just as well have been on the other side of the valley, visible beneath a satellite on Google Maps. So much of the Old Testament is just as much human record of history and genealogy, precise census of military might and territorial boundaries, as it is an outline for the practice of faith on a societal level; which is ultimately to say that all of this is a kinda curious thing to consider, that we still rely on these ancient pinpoints, so many of them no longer the same as they were described, fundamentally warped by territorial conflict and zoning codes and ecological erosion, can still serve as the tangible bedrock upon which our faith rests. There’s something at once oddly intimate, and also sobering about it. 

All of this is to suggest that maybe it’s not us who changed after all. For all intents and purposes, it seems as if we’ve been more or less the same from the moment we were created: hopelessly vain, ambitious, brimming with pride and righteousness and envy, fickle and uncertain and stubborn. That’s not to say that we haven’t made efforts to change our circumstances, or that those efforts have gone without consequence: overall I think it’s undeniable to acknowledge that we’ve improved our living conditions, maybe even become more aware on a mass level of each other, ourselves, our fragility and vulnerability. But on a long enough timeline, all those changes still fit within our grand narrative about ourselves, our ability to read the poetry or law or philosophy of ancestors millennia ago and still relate to them on that profound level which we call the “human condition”. It’s not that I believe we’re exactly immutable, so much as it is that our nature is fixed: our progress is incremental, our systems and fashions and attitudes may evolve over time, but no amount of revelation or intervention can change our fundamental state of being. 

It’s not us who have really changed, but God. God, who trusted us with obedience only to be surprised with our betrayal; God, who wiped out nearly all life on earth in disgust at our pettiness and vanity, only to regret it a day later and promise to never do it again; God, who relinquished command and descended to earth in the skin and shape of a man to feel what it was like to be us, knowing full well the cruelty and intolerance of the authorities of this earth. Our actions and presence upon this earth have changed the nature of God as far as our narrative as a species is concerned, drawing God very slowly over the centuries into our fold of existence, our precarious understanding of this world and one another and ourselves. 

I dunno… maybe it’s presumptuous of me to draw these conclusions the way I am – who knows, the timeline and scale God has existed on is incomprehensible to me, and who can say to know the will and nature of God anyways – but ultimately I think what I’m trying to get at is that, if we are truly God’s creation, we will last with our humanity – whatever that is, whatever that’s worth – uncompromised, regardless of what happens. It’s the rest of the world beyond us that changes in reaction to us; and it’s in their consideration which we should be ever vigilant as shepherds and custodians of this world, to at least try to act in good faith and with good intentions – or at the bare minimum, a modicum of self-awareness and sincerity. 

Or so it goes. 

Spent the morning working on writing for the game, which was a nice change of pace although to be completely honest it didn’t feel like actual work. In other news, I recently did an interview which was published today in the form of an article on Rock Paper Shotgun. I thought the author did an excellent job within the obvious constraints of the publication, but to be honest, I thought that most of the comments betrayed a fundamental misunderstanding – intentional or otherwise – of what I was saying and my intentions with the game and the interview; which, I’m not gonna lie, does not bode well for my sense of confidence in the slightest. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I was given the opportunity to do the interview and I very much enjoyed the discussions I had… but I’ve also been reminded rather painfully of why I don’t feel comfortable engaging much with the general public anymore.

I woke today filled with extremely negative thoughts, which continued to plague me throughout the day and made concentrating on work exceedingly difficult. Nevertheless I did manage to get some stuff done today, the most significant being the implementation of a system which will randomly create thoughts for Avery when she’s presented with stressful situations or disruptive thoughts (ie pain, bodily needs, etc). The frequency of the thoughts, which is synced to the global tick, must be manually set and thoughts are spawned using what is essentially a random number generator.

Didn’t get too much done today. Spent an hour or so in the afternoon recording foley for the defecation audio. It was rather unpleasant, but now I can finally check it off my list of things to get done. 

Finished up the caloric system and implemented thirst/hydration, which for some reason I completely forgot about earlier. All the major physiological systems are now foundationally complete and the only things I have left to do – well, “only” makes it sound like it’s not gonna be too much work, but I by no means am underestimating the scale of this endeavour, mind you – are to integrate the systems with the actions, along with any other additional balancing/statistical tweaking down the line (I know for certain I’m probably gonna have to revisit hydration at some point). 

I also spent a few hours this afternoon recording foley audio for the vomiting animation, which is more or less complete by now. It was a rather taxing experience, to put it one way. 

I spent some time today working on the caloric system. I’ve decided to simplify it a bit after all – previously I had planned to allow Avery to overeat and accumulate stored calories in the form of body fat, but I felt that would’ve been too complicated both to implement and to understand when playing (not to mention the kinda absurd proposition of someone gaining substantial amounts of reserve fat in a matter of days), so I instead reduced the caloric bank to a fixed value which is determined at the start of the game, and which will serve as a backup supply allowing Avery to starve for a bit without incurring substantial damages. The system is all set up and basically complete as far as implementation goes, but I didn’t get around to actually testing it in-game so I’m gonna get that done tomorrow and then start working on implementing food like I’d initially planned yesterday.

Missed my entry yesterday even though for whatever godforsaken reason I stayed up the entire night doing effectively nothing of worth. In any case though, I just finished up and posted the March update article, which you can read here. I’m gonna try to pull my schedule back in order for this weekend and get back to work proper. Tomorrow I’m gonna try to finish up the caloric balance system, and then start implementing all the animations for eating. 

Spent an hour or two this afternoon writing up this month’s update for the Kickstarter, which will hopefully be posted tomorrow. I’ve been feeling really out of it though these past few days… it seems like all sorts of things have just very suddenly accumulated into a single monolithic and overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. I think after I publish the article tomorrow, I’ll try my best to take another break this weekend, a proper one this time.

I spent two or three hours this afternoon trying to work on more biomechanics stuff – finished up thirst, started working on caloric balance and intake/output – but I kept on thinking about this whole pandemic thing and I began to feel overwhelmed to the point where I was no longer able to concentrate.

Spent the entire day until basically 1900 in a state of strange and restless sleep, in which I experienced a number of intensely vivid dreams which left me feeling disoriented and confused when I finally managed to awake. Completely wasted away the day, obviously got no work done. 

Today I worked on hunger, which is basically more or less finished at this point as far as general implementation goes. It’s roughly tied to the fullness of the stomach, and begins incrementally decreasing once the stomach reaches a certain volume. Hunger here doesn’t exactly represent physical hunger (which is more accurately represented in the game by calories, which I’ll discuss later), but is a closer measure of psychological hunger: as Avery’s hunger level depletes, she’ll slowly and eventually steadily begin to lose willpower. This means that, should the player choose to, she can go a decent amount of time – about two or three in-game days, depending on other covalent conditions and/or deficiencies – without eating anything, although it certainly won’t be a comfortable experience for her. Tomorrow I’ll finish up the same process for thirst, which I started today but which I didn’t get around to really properly balancing. 

I also added in a new UI element, representing overwhelming thoughts. These, in contrast to inspection-based thoughts and interaction thoughts, are usually more urgent in both nature and tone and as such, represent thoughts that are more sudden and intrusive, such as pangs of hunger, or desires to relieve oneself. They take up the entire screen for about a second before disappearing, similar to the appearance of intertitles in film. 

I woke from the strangest and the most moving dream today. There was something unbearably nostalgic about it and when I woke I felt incredibly light and adrift, as if I’d become dislodged from reality. The feeling dissipated about an hour after awakening though.

It was a rather pleasant day outside today, unusually warm given the preceding ones, and I spent the afternoon working outside. I built the foundation for the digestion biomechanics today, which includes the movement of solids through the body (I think it’d be better to merge the urination script here as well, I’ll probably get that done tomorrow). Tomorrow I also plan on finally implementing hunger, based on stomach volume. 

Woke up still feeling agitated so I decided not to work again after all. Hopefully by tomorrow this cloud will have dissipated enough so that I’ll be able to feel comfortable getting back to a normal schedule.

Woke at 1630 feeling vaguely disgusted but otherwise fine. Unfortunately getting up so late completely threw off my entire sense of purpose for the day so I just decided to take the day off and work tomorrow instead. 

Woke up feeling sick of looking at my computer so I spent the morning instead preparing food for the rest of the day and walking around outside. It was a cool, overcast day and the air felt remarkably clean. I read a book for some time before spending the rest of the afternoon in a conference call, during which I worked on and finished the final map for the game. I’ll probably release it tomorrow for the #screenshotsaturday post… although I should go over it again to make sure there aren’t any spoilers (although I don’t imagine there should be any, as the print is effectively illegible). Tomorrow I’m going to start working on the outpost again. I’d like to get back to work on in-engine content next week. Finishing the map has made me realise just how much work I have left before me.

Spent most of today working on the map for the game. The general layout has now been finished, and the only thing that’s really left to do is plot out specific locations and adjust for topographical variation (specifically elevation, which is gonna be a real challenge to communicate). The current map is a 20×20 grid… which means that I’m potentially looking at over 400 rooms upon completion if I stick to this layout. That’s a pretty fucking wild number – even adjusting for the fact that several hundred of them will be generic forest layouts – and I should probably tone it down a bit. We’ll see though…

I started the Warlords of New York expansion for The Division 2 tonight. It’s superlatively good in nearly every sense, and I’d say it definitely represents the peak of the series’ accomplishments heretofore. Playing it has helped inspire me to work on my own stuff, which is very rare for a game these days; I’m looking forward to experiencing the rest of it over the next few weeks.

Implemented functionality for inspect mode, and reconfigured the backend for item descriptions allowing for more variations (all descriptions are now initialised in the object’s Create event, whereas previously they were all initialised in a single script that made variations very difficult to implement due to the finnicky nature of the choose event – or perhaps more accurately my inability to work through basic logical operations). No visual effects have been added yet beyond a special cursor upon hovering over certain objects that display text so I’ll have to figure something, if anything, out tomorrow. Once I get that done, system UI will basically be completely done (excluding any additional extraneous elements I may decide to add later), meaning I can finally get back to work on interactive objects within the outpost.

Worked mostly on interface stuff today: added a new font (Perfect DOS VGA 437) for the satellite overlay, improved the visual effects for opening and closing UI windows, and fully implemented the Information window, which lists all the controls for the game and refers the player to the manual (which I have yet to write). I didn’t make as much progress as I hoped but I definitely still made some regardless so I’m satisfied overall. 

It only dawned on me today – in the physical sense, that is – just how much time I spend in front of my computer (let alone in front of a screen in general). I came to this realisation this evening after looking away from my computer after working for a while only to feel my eyes burning. Nearly every day for the past month I’ve been on my computer I reckon 95% of the day, from the moment I wake to the moment I go to sleep. I have a feeling that’s definitely not good for me on any timeline, to put it lightly; I should start taking steps to remedy that, starting with developing and recommitting to a stricter work schedule. That first requires me to start getting to sleep and waking up at better times, though…

Didn’t end up working on the inspect feature today, but I did manage to finish up a few major promotional graphics that I’ve been putting off for a while. I woke up pretty late into the afternoon after working late last night but managed to work consistently for the next six hours without feeling distracted so today ended up feeling pretty productive despite the unideal start. I felt a bit calmer and more positive today as a direct result.

Not a great start to the month; just worked on a single UI panel for most of the afternoon, but couldn’t even bother to really finish it. I’ll get it done by tomorrow and then start getting to work on the observation/inspection mechanic. I don’t imagine it’ll be too difficult to implement mechanically as a lot of the foundation has already been built but I do want to investigate the possibility of some additional visual effects for it (ie unique cursor, object highlighting).

Didn’t realise it was a leap year. In any case, I took the day off for no particular reason. I feel kinda empty, to be honest: in neither a particularly positive nor negative way. I just feel devoid of sensation and continuity.

Finally finished up the bed animation, and got it implemented as an interactive. It doesn’t look great, but it’s perfectly serviceable, meaning I just have to design the actual sleep mechanic now… I’ll probably just build the rest of the interactive objects though over the next week and then get started on fleshing out each one. 

In other news, GDC has been “postponed”, which means for all intents and purposes it’s been cancelled. They probably made the right choice, for less-than-right reasons. Either way though, that leaves me with little choice on my end. On one hand I now no longer have to assemble a build by the 15th as there’s now no more event to attend. On the other hand, there’s now no more event to attend and to be completely honest, I was in some respect very much looking forward to it despite my wariness. Of all the years a fucking pandemic-level outbreak has to hit…

A very slow day. Woke up late and worked pretty inefficiently on the hunger mechanics, before starting to feel restless so I started working instead on the sleeping animation again – which is still not finished, to no one’s surprise. The month’s almost over and I’ve accomplished not even a single week’s worth of work, even being generous. I didn’t really feel distracted so much as I just felt aimless, although I’m certainly not lacking concrete aim. I just feel very unfocused in general and all the work I have to do right now seems fundamentally tedious, although it has to get done and in reality once I see the results I think I’ll actually feel quite invigorated. I’ll try to finish up and implement the bed animation by the end of tomorrow; I suppose it’s the least I can do in terms of completion. 

Woke up late again, although I managed to work consistently throughout the afternoon into the evening. Although I initially had planned on finishing up the animation for getting into bed I felt absolutely unmotivated to work on it so instead I decided to get back to work on the hunger system, which led directly to the realisation that actually, this entire time, the entire time system had at some point become undone. I spent a few hours fixing that, as well as remodeling the time scale and display to be built around minutes rather than half-hour intervals. One in-game minute now corresponds to around five seconds of real-time, which I feel is a good pace. 

I’ve also decided to add an additional unlockable item in the form of a biometric tracker, which will allow the player to view numerical biodata such as stomach capacity and caloric intake/output; it’s a useful solution to the issue of ambiguity – for example, does Avery feel thirsty because she’s just not drinking enough, or because she’s contracted a disease which dehydrates her at a much faster rate than usual? – while remaining diegetically consistent. I’ve added it to the list of things to take care of down the line but I imagine that once I get the biomechanics done for digestion I’ll be ready to start working on it sooner rather than later.

Today has just been one long series of mounting aggravations and frustrations, almost entirely due to poor decisions on my part.

First full work day in a while: spent most of it fixing up the interaction text, which I feel is now consistent and legible enough to my standards. Basically, there are two variations so far: a) situational text, which appears as text bubbles over small objects such as stones and sticks that can be picked up in the world space, and b) captioned text, which appear in the bottom margin of the letterbox and indicates either a more significant action (such as opening a door) in white with parentheses; or a thought, which appears in yellow (no parentheses). I’ll obviously keep iterating on it moving forward, as with all things, but for now it displays consistently across all available cases and looks pretty legible. Tomorrow I’m gonna start working on animations for other processes in the outpost. I should be able to get at least two full ones finished by the end of the day.

Woke up at exactly noon after accidentally connecting to an active call, and ended up playing games with my friends for nearly twelve hours straight afterwards. While I had a pretty good time overall there is no doubt in my mind about just how profoundly unacceptable it was on multiple levels. I’m gonna be making an active effort to ease up a bit moving forward, while investing a significantly greater amount of time and attention towards work. The month’s nearly over and I’ve gotten way too little done; I’ve definitely fallen behind schedule at this point, especially if I want something even remotely presentable at GDC. Gotta just clear my mind and reestablish control. 

This morning I went with my mother to help my father pick up a refrigerator. The area was up in the mountains, a large stretch of townhouses. It was the first time I’ve been outside for an extended period of time in what feels like quite a while. The air felt very clean, almost rarefied. It was a very pleasant day today.

I spent most of the afternoon working on animations for Avery undressing and changing her clothes. I managed to get all the standard animations – walking, idle stances, basic actions such as opening doors etc – finished but I still have a few transitional ones to take care of such as getting dressed and loading/unloading the washer. I’ll get those done tomorrow along with proper text captions and effects, which means that hopefully the entire entry sequence for the outpost should be more or less finished by the end of the weekend. Next week, I’d like to ideally start working on foraging and cooking.

Didn’t work much today at all, although I did manage to finish up the animation sequences that I mentioned yesterday. I’ve spent a lot of time these past few afternoons and evenings playing games with my friends and while I certainly don’t regret the time I spent in their company, I do feel a sense of guilt that I’m perhaps dedicating too little time, relatively speaking, to actual work. It’s not that I feel burned out or even just tired or bored of it in the slightest; it’s just very difficult for me to choose between the two because they’re both things I value very much. I don’t know why, but it feels like I’m running out of time again. Just like how I felt at the end of high school: like all of a sudden, without any apparent reason, my endless days had just became very numbered and very soon, I’d wake up one morning and discover that the world was exactly the same as when I went to sleep the night before, only a little bit different. That feeling filled me with anxiety and fear back then; now though it just makes me sad. 

The router got replaced this morning, so the connection has been incredibly fickle all throughout the day. I felt an enduring sense of dim unease all afternoon for some reason, although I was able to successfully finish the animation I started yesterday. Tomorrow I’m gonna finish out the rest of the set and get them all implemented proper. Hopefully the internet situation stabilises by the time I wake up.

Woke up pretty late today, around 1500; for whatever reason I stayed up until almost 0600 earlier just lying in bed watching videos about things that were evidently not that important after all, as I no longer have even the slightest memory of what they were about. Regardless though, I made good progress with the remaining time, which was spent almost entirely on a rather extensive character animation I’ve yet to finish; I also managed to finally fix the issue with closed doors clipping into the player, resulting in them getting stuck in the door when attempting to close it. Minor progress, but still steady progress…

Woke up a bit late, but still managed to get in a good amount of work today: finished implementing all the essential elements of the outpost’s layout, tomorrow I’ll work on adding a final few finishing touches in terms of optional interactives and decorations before beginning on the individual animations for each major piece of furniture. 

Jacob, Nate and I tried out a group call this afternoon as well, kinda meant to simulate working in a shared physical environment. It helped me stay on focus and maintain productivity throughout the day, and it was also nice spending time with them in general working towards something. I hope we’ll be able to do this more often in the future.

Got some work done today; disconnected my computer from my main workstation and moved downstairs, and found that I had a noticeably easier time concentrating for sustained periods. I successfully implemented functional mirrors with complex (ie, accurately – for the most part… – reflects player direction relative to the mirror) reflections, as well as a rudimentary developer console which allows me (or rather, will allow me once I actually start building commands into it) to have a greater degree of control in-engine, which I hope will make development slightly faster and more efficient in certain regards. I hope to be able to finish laying out the interior of the outpost completely by the end of tomorrow, so I can finally start working on animations and interactions.

No work today despite what I said a few days ago. Instead I went to see Birds of Prey this evening, which I enjoyed thoroughly. It was a fun and straightforward affair that looked great and didn’t demand much of me. I had a good time with it.

Tomorrow I really do have to get back to work proper. It just struck me suddenly earlier today that February is already half over and my rate of progress has begun to slip considerably behind acceptable levels. I feel like my discipline’s been wavering a lot recently – as of the beginning of the year, I mean – and I strongly suspect a lot of that is the direct result of some kind of growing instability in my overall mood, although I don’t know why. I’ve been getting very easily frustrated and even angry lately, at things completely out of my control; and it’s definitely taken a palpable toll upon my general ability to concentrate or maintain focus on things. 

Wrote up a new update for Kickstarter, then took the rest of the day off. Not much more to say for now…

Woke up around 0900 in a queer sort of mood, as if someone had peered into my skull when I was asleep and groped around inside. Decided to just take the day off (will most likely make up some of the work on Sunday instead) to reorganise my desk. 

The new computer arrived today – it’s exceeded expectations so far, and has not only performed excellently, but was remarkably easy and quick to set up – so over the next few days I’m gonna dedicate some time to figuring out how to incorporate it into my workflow more fluidly. I picked up some more Guinness as well. I’ve been burning through money a bit too quickly though for my comfort and after this week I’m really gonna have to start reeling it in and regain control of myself. This has gotta last me until at least the end of the year…

A mildly productive day. Woke around 0800 but just stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling for another two or three hours. The sky was filled with fog and darkness all throughout the day, casting a dim pallour upon the day’s activities. Regardless, I managed to implement a number of smaller but still important changes, most of them QoL-related including:

+ Created and implemented new animations for opening doors (might go and significantly rework this some time very soon to look more natural)

+ Initialised a number of furniture objects as physical instances

? Finally fixed the occlusion masking shader which allows the player to appear as a silhouette behind doors in interiors

The money from the Kickstarter finally cleared and came in, although it’s gonna take a few more days to process probably. Tomorrow I’m gonna start writing up the release for the campaign about my plans moving forward, and a projected timeline. It shouldn’t take too much time, I imagine (famous last words)… I’ll probably release that for #screenshotsaturday. 

I woke this morning feeling mildly agitated as the direct result of a very vivid and troubling dream I can no longer quite remember. The day’s work as a result progressed slowly, although I did manage to get some things done: the rain audio should be completely fixed now for both internal and external audio (instead of using an approximate check based on a place_meeting with the roof object or whatever, I decided instead to just risk redundancy for the sake of ease of mind by creating an independent sound mask object which directly controls the volume of both the normal rain audio and the low-pass one for interiors). I’ve also started drafting out the interior of the outpost and began separating the various pieces into individual sprites; tomorrow I’ll initialise them as independent objects and sort out their depth, so hopefully I can start working on them proper. 

A more productive day: I woke up pretty early, at exactly 0700, and worked steadily until about 1300. I managed to successfully draw and implement the roof for the outpost, as well as adding external details to the front wall; which now means the exterior of the outpost is more or less entirely complete. I’m thinking about adding some additional structures such as the water cistern and the sewage treatment operation, but those might work better when placed into their own separate rooms. For now though, the exterior is finished finally; now, onto the interior…

I also managed to implement a number of smaller but still significant changes to the backend, including:

+ Added a new variety of generic bush

+ Added new sound effects for the outpost’s outer and inner seals

? Reversed the angle of the sun, which previously implied an inverted polarity in which the bottom of the screen was geographic north; the shadows now display at such an angle where the top of the screen represents geographic north

? Redesigned the collision masks of all the buildings, so that the player can now properly walk behind the back wall and be appropriately occluded

I also finally got the Platinum trophy for Siege today! At long last…

Another day with no progress. I woke around 1400 and the sky was dim with rain. I didn’t even really try to work today; I just felt constantly tired. I did manage to do a pretty extensive (~3k-word) write-up for an interview about the game, which I suppose is something… although honestly I was too tired to bother reading it over so I have no idea about its quality or coherence. I hope the money from the Kickstarter comes in soon so I can finally write up the “moving forward” post for the campaign. I’m gonna try to go to sleep earlier today, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Took the day off. I’ve been feeling incredibly tired lately in a physical sense, and I spent the better part of today asleep. Tomorrow I’m gonna get back to work proper; my goal for next week is to finish up the outpost’s exterior and begin work on the interior elements, which includes all the various interactions (and animations) associated with them.

Didn’t get much work done today, just minor QA adjustments. Felt particularly prone to anger and frustration all throughout the day for little discernible reason. 

Spent the day fleshing out the the UAV interface, it now looks a good deal better and is fully functional in terms of measuring all the things it’s designed to measure. I also removed the tracker for now in favour of an automatic FLIR-styled effect which highlights the player (and other sources of significant heat) while darkening the rest of the environment. I think I’ll modify it a bit tomorrow to dim out other sources of heat as well, as the sensor is specifically tracking Avery and not general IR-based phenomena; we’ll see how it looks though. 

Among some more significant changes beyond that, implementing the bloom properly – ie, so it wouldn’t render UI elements illegible – forced me to completely reorder the post-processing stack. Before, it went application surface to palette shift to digital distortion to Gaussian blur + bloom; now it goes application surface to Gaussian blur + bloom to palette shift to digital distortion. It was pretty annoying to keep track of the surface stack order but eventually I got it done. Reordering everything also managed to produce an interesting fringing effect when using certain lighter palettes (or really anything that doesn’t use a flat black as the dark tone) where the edges of all the objects become pronounced and, with the rest of the post-processing effects on, kinda ragged, similar to how lower-quality VHS tapes or TV signals would display on older television sets. I’ve decided to keep it in as the default although it can be toggled off like everything else with the other lens effects.

Didn’t get much work done today, I woke in a strange mood and found myself frequently distracted by vague and generally formless thoughts. I did manage to build in an uptime clock into the HUD, which measures the total duration of the current session.

Started working on the ID verification sequence for the outpost today, and successfully completed the initial draft, with full implementation including audio. It turned out looking a lot better than I initially expected and I feel a sense of accomplishment for today’s work, even if I didn’t make too much progress in the grand scheme of things. 

I felt a spike of anxiety earlier today as I was hit with the creeping concern that, at the rate of progress I’m moving at, I’ll be unable to hit my intended deadline on time. I do certainly think that that concern is not without basis – there are plenty of days where for whatever reason I struggle to get anything done, let alone of substance – but I think I just have to learn how to accept the possibility eventually while maintaining as best of an effort as possible in the present, both to remain optimistic and to try to get some work done, no matter how little, every day. I really don’t want to have to delay the game’s release at all but also I think (or rather hope) that people will understand and be sympathetic as long as I maintain good communication with them, which heretofore I feel I’ve done decently well.

In any case, it’s best not to think about these things too much for now and just keep on keeping on. Not much use in trying to predict the future.

Finished cleaning up the general ambient audio, started working on the exterior of the outpost. The latter has gone surprisingly well; all of the major generic environmental work has been finished, I just have to build a few more unique assets, the biggest (in both the sense of the size, and the amount of work required) being the roof. I’m probably gonna dedicate most of the work tomorrow to getting that done. Once it’s finished I think I’ll be able to have a presentable #screenshotsaturday ready for the weekend.

Not much progress today, mostly just technical fixes and minor graphical updates across the board. I attempted to implement a new effect where water droplets appear on the camera when raining but the sample I used wasn’t that good so I’ll have to either find a new one or alternately just completely cut it. I went out earlier today to the reservation again to record new audio for the general ambience; it was rather cold but I think it was worth it because now I have a few hours of significantly cleaner audio with few birds, which I think will considerably amplify the sense of unease. Will probably continue working on audio tomorrow.

Nate, Jacob and I watched You Are the Apple of My Eye tonight. As always I had a very good time with them and they seemed to enjoy the film as well.

Took the day off today again, went to the diner with Julia this morning for lunch and then a little bit later in the afternoon, met with Staoue. We picked up some ice cream cake to celebrate the success of the Kickstarter and then went to the parking deck at the IKEA, where we sparred for a few hours. It was nice seeing my friends again. Tomorrow I’m getting back to work – most likely on finishing the major outpost sequences.

Woke at 1640 today; the sky was already beginning to dim when I opened my curtains. I experienced a number of strange and vaguely feverish dreams last night which left me feeling very disoriented when I awoke. I decided to take the rest of the day – or, well, what remained of it anyways – off, and went out for about an hour around evening to pick up some more Guinness and go for a walk. 

It was the first time I went out for an extended period of time in several weeks. The air was cool and pleasant and I started feeling a bit better about things. At the Rite-Aid I met a girl while waiting in line. Her name was Marisol, and we talked for a bit afterwards about random things, various bits and pieces of our lives, before parting ways. She seemed like a nice person, and she was pretty in a kinda nondescript manner. Both of those things made me feel pretty anxious at first, but then just sad.

In any case, it was a lot less intriguing and romantic than it probably sounds. I think she just started talking to me because she was bored on a Saturday night; and I had made the strange and potentially reckless decision to offer to pay for her cigarettes after I watched her card get declined once, twice in a row. I don’t know why I did it. It was a very instinctual motion that happened before I even really consciously registered what was going on. The truth is it made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be there. I felt I needed to do something or else I’d be there for a very long time, or else the situation would never end.

But regardless, the whole encounter just left me feeling kinda uncertain in a very broad, maybe existential sense. I didn’t know how to really process her presence on a very fundamental level. I don’t know if it was just because it was such a strange and unexpected series of interactions or if there was something about her in particular or something wrong with me but whatever it was it left me feeling somewhat sad, in the sense of a kind of acute weariness or maybe melancholy. Maybe it’s because the unexpected success of the Kickstarter has had such a profound effect upon my thoughts lately, in reorienting them towards some vague idea of the future. I dunno.

January’s now over. Stayed up until 0600 in a nearly incoherent state working on the postmortem for the Kickstarter, which I’ll probably read through tomorrow (or, well, later today, that is) and end up completely regretting in its entirety – after which, of course, it will already have been too late. Well, I have nothing more to say about this.