Started working on animations for firestarting this morning but then for whatever reason I felt that I no longer wanted to do that today so instead I just started worked on implementing interiors. I mostly just worked on visuals today – nothing to push to the server – because I’m still undecided as to whether I want each interior to be contained within the world space in a continuous manner, or to exist as its own discrete room separate from the world within its own space.
The latter definitely presents me with a lot more flexibility when it comes to certain things – namely, I wouldn’t have to use a surface to occlude the exterior when the player is in the interior space – but it also means that I would have to move the player to an entirely new room while saving the exact state of the previous one, which is kinda annoying since I haven’t built a save system yet to save and track the state of each room (something else I have to do…), so I’d have to do the latter before the former.
I think I’ll start tomorrow by trying out the former option – continuous interior spaces – with layered floor, furniture and ceiling indices that are de/activated upon contact with the player. Hopefully it goes smoothly and without any major difficulties; but you know how it is with these things…
Didn’t work on anything today; but to be honest, I didn’t even really try. I hung out with Haolun last night until 0400 or so and then I fell asleep, woke up for a few hours and hung out on Jacob’s stream, then I fell back asleep again and experienced a really strange and disturbing dream until I woke up once again at 1600. After that I realised that I’d basically get no work done even if I tried so instead I spent some time reviewing the week’s activities and figuring out what to do next week. Basically, I need to finalise my decisions on how the firestarting minigames will work, and then I need to actually build them (or at least merge them into the main build).
Once I finish that, I should work on redesigning the backpack and inventory UI; I’m not that satisfied with the ALICE diagram anymore and I’m thinking about moving towards something like an SSO/SPOSN Attack 2 or even a Veshmeshok instead. I like the look and idea of the external frame and all the pouches but… something about it just doesn’t feel quite right at the moment. I’d also like to add a diegetic animation for opening and closing the bag.
Spent the day sitting outside recording audio of wind and leaves. It was a very nice day outside today and although I think it’s gonna rain very soon I’ve gotten a wide range of audio samples that should cover most of my ambient environmental needs. I’m gonna spend some time mixing them a bit more tomorrow but I was able to build in the backend for the audio system today. It works exactly as intended and was pretty straightforward to set up.
+ Added audio files for heavy rain, light rain and the fire. + Implemented flexible backend for positional 3D audio, as well as seamless blending for sounds. ? Fixed an issue with the light rain state where no rain was actually falling during the entire state.
Today was pretty productive, despite having finally gotten out of bed at 1600(!) following a long and vaguely uneasy rest. I was able to add both the sticks and the stones as I planned (well, two days ago…) via a pretty flexible and efficient spawner, and all the code for interacting with them and picking them up is modular enough to be easily adapted to any other object down the line. The firestarting is almost done – the last of the work is UI stuff, which is admittedly pretty involved but I’ll cross that bridge once I get there (which I guess is now) – so hopefully I’ll be able to have some new stuff to share come Saturday.
+ Added sticks and stones as interactive objects in the environment + Modular spawner (spawn_item) that spawns a certain number of an object without overlap in a room ? Implemented shorthand version of player_pack_add script that takes only the object name as a string for the argument – Removed fire hole (a bit redundant, and the sprite looked like shit anyways)
Just since starting this project alone, I feel like I’ve become a much more competent programmer these past few months. In fact, I would even admit that I developed more as a programmer in the last four months than I have in the last four years: although of course, hindsight, as they say, is 20/20 and learning tends to function on a curve, so maybe I’m just going too hard on myself (the circumstances were much different back then as well).
In other news, I came across this thread on Twitter which perfectly encapsulates the exact kind of mentality I wish I could embody. I think sometimes I’m genuinely able to feel this to some degree, like I’m right on the cusp of realisation; but always, something or someone comes up that causes me to slip. I suppose that’s the entire point: that a person must never lose sight of the good in both others and himself, especially when under pressure. Anyone can feel good when the times are good, after all. But these are especially testing times. For all my platitudes and supposed convictions, I don’t think I have the strength to be a better person, let alone a good one. But I have to try. That’s the least I can do for both others and myself.
Sawyer and I went to see Hobbs & Shaw today and I think it was exactly what I needed in my life right now: a fun, hopelessly positive and feel-good film about the value of friendship and forgiveness and family. Afterwards we got some ice cream and sat at the station and it was a remarkably pleasant evening, and looking up at the clouds I felt an immeasurable sense of optimism and good faith swelling within me, and it made me feel deeply at peace for some time. That all probably sounds horribly cliched and I’ll straight-up admit that it definitely is; but it doesn’t matter, because it felt profound in the moment and besides, nothing’s a cliche when it’s happening to you.
I didn’t get much work done today, and I don’t know if I necessarily feel more motivated, but that’s okay. I feel much better equipped to handle my work tomorrow.
Didn’t actually end up adding the sticks and stones today, but I did implement a sort function for the inventory, which allows the player to sort between the name, type and quantity of the items. Nothing significant, just a nice QoL feature.
Got some work done today, although nothing substantial enough to push as a full change. Still working on the campfire: I adjusted the collision detection for interaction on both the campfire and the backpack as to be a little bit smaller and more natural (ie, for the campfire, the player has to be standing above it, and the for the backpack, the player has to be standing below it). Tomorrow I’ll work on adding in gathering for the sticks and stones. It should be pretty straightforward and basic and I don’t imagine I’ll run into any complications but… you never know.
The fire pit now must be assembled manually, in three parts:
1. Foundation: laying stones around the base of the fire to contain it. 2. Firebed: laying tinder and fuel within the pit. 3. Ignition: igniting the fire using a starter.
Not implemented, but planned: the first stage requires the player to gather and place a dozen stones by hand from the environment. The second stage requires the player to gather and place about four pieces of tinder (+accelerant) from the pack. The third stage requires the player to ignite the fire using a starter from the pack. There will be a chance that the fire will fail to catch, in which case the player is given another try with one unit of the starter consumed.
+ New state and animations for picking up / placing objects + sprFirePit has many new indices + The fire pit is now a placeable object rather than fixed.
I didn’t actually work on any of the games today but instead I stayed up until about 0600 last night (alternately, this morning) redesigning and finetuning this site. I feel like it’s now a lot more professional and presentable without compromising my overall tone. I think I’m gonna start listing this as my primary site with a redirect to the GitHub page as a portfolio.
Of course, that means I actually have to expand the design of the GitHub page accordingly… It shouldn’t be too much of an issue but I don’t have much content on it currently. I’m thinking I’ll store some of my more long-term pieces there though for posterity’s and portfolio’s sake, and focus on developing more as a comprehensive showcase for my work than as a portal, which is what it basically is right now.
(I have to admit though, at this point I can’t help but wonder if deep down inside that I’m building all these new sites for myself just so I can experiment with new builds and designs…)
I can’t believe it’s already August. I stepped outside just now to look at the sunset only to realise (too late) that the mosquitoes have come out in full force. Thankfully though at least both the heat and the humidity have subsided significantly.
Speaking of which, I missed yesterday’s post because it was just too hot and humid and top of that I didn’t even get any work done because I was too preoccupied with adjusting the positioning of my fan. I mostly just worked on some item descriptions – the firestarter kit, ironically – although I didn’t make too much progress overall.
Today was a much more productive day though and I got a respectable amount of actual content done, as well as planning for the next several days. I completely redesigned the layout and structure of the areas, which started with significantly reducing the size of the rooms, from 2048×2048 (grass: 50k) to 480×480 (grass: 5k). Before, the idea was to have a bunch of larger rooms chained together, but now I think it’s a far better idea (both design-wise and technically, since the pixel jittering on horizontal camera movement is too much of a pain in the ass to work through) for the game to feature a bunch of smaller rooms, some containing locations of interest, chained together instead. Each room has a designated “level” (right now, there are five of such levels) that dictates the chance of them appearing upon a room transition.
I’m not gonna talk too much about the specifics of how this functions right now because a) I’d like it to be somewhat of a surprise and b) I haven’t figured out the exact details of its structure yet but I do believe that it’ll significantly improve the gameplay overall. In a broad sense, I believe that it allows for much more variety at a more respectable pace (instead of forcing the player to wander around a massive area) and creates a greater sense of disorientation for the player, which is in this case a good thing.
Finally got some work done again. Imported over the VFX stuff from But For Now, We Are Young – chromatic profiles and the night filter – and got room transitions working properly. Also, I made some general improvements to the appearance of the campfire, including dynamic smoke (it blows in the wind!) and animations for the flame being ignited and extinguished. The latter two are far from realistic, and I’m thinking about adding a considerable amount of detail to the process overall – small minigame type things for the starters, choosing accelerants and tinder, dedicated UI animations, etc – and I think I’m gonna end up committing to it. I’m satisfied with my progress today. Tomorrow I’ll start working on the minigame for the ferro rod. Maybe I’ll even get to the magnifying glass as well…
Back at this. I said I’d take a break over the weekend, so I did. Did it work as I hoped it would? Maybe. I spent some time after I woke reviewing what I was doing before and going over my notes. I feel like I’m ready to get back to work now. After that I spent some time with Taylor and we talked about the stuff we usually do. It was nice seeing her again. Maybe we’ll be able to meet again later this week. I didn’t get any concrete progress done today but I feel that tomorrow will see my patience come to fruition. I hope so, at least.
I was unable to work today as well, although I feel a bit better overall. I think I’m gonna take a break and do something else instead of just sitting here all day trying to unsuccessfully force myself to get something done. I’ll draft up a new plan on Sunday and work towards that throughout the week. I think I’ll be able to accomplish it this time, so long as nothing unexpected hits me again.
The motivation I felt yesterday – and which has in some form or another persisted to today – unfortunately panned out into nothing. I found my thoughts lingering on something unpleasant and was too distracted all throughout the day to accomplish anything meaningful. At least I opened GameMaker though; it may not seem like much of anything to anyone else but it’s a step towards getting back into it and that, while it may not be enough, is still something.
Severe thunderstorms all day. I still haven’t found it within me to work on anything but I feel like I’m on the verge of another breakthrough in motivation. I’m beginning to think it was a mistake to restrict myself to working exclusively on We Are Young for the entirety of this month; it certainly helped reinvigorate my interest in the project and led to some work getting done but over time I feel like it’s just begun to stultify my progress to a degree by de-incentivising me from thinking about other kinds of work. After all, the whole point of me starting My Work Is Not Yet Done was to work on something a little more mechanical and systemic in approach to design when I got burned out on writing. I’ll just have to remind myself periodically to check in with both projects so neither falls behind too much.
For the entirety of the past week or so I’ve done pretty much nothing except sit at my desk playing video games. It’s been exceedingly hot and humid so I rarely go outside anymore. I haven’t done my exercises since the beginning of this month. At this point I’ll have to reset again.
I just realised looking at the date that the month is almost over. This realisation has left me feeling profoundly ill at ease – as it always does. I can feel my life cycling through repetitions. Even my awareness of this is a kind of repetition: I’m sure that if I were to go through my notebooks and look at my entries, I would find dozens of iterations of this exact pattern of thought repeated verbatim over the years. Sometimes even in the span of days.
It’s harder to remember things now, because it’s harder to keep track of time. I’ve become untethered from a fixed and linear understanding of time. Things have begun to repeat themselves; I’ve begun to repeat myself. Sometimes I’m aware of it; but most of the time, I don’t think I am.
Last night I met up with a friend and got locked out of my house so I sat on the front porch for the rest of the night until dawn chainsmoking. I’ve been feeling like shit lately. An overwhelming sense of slowness and decay. I can’t seem to work anymore. The thoughts come too slowly to make sense of: I find myself getting lost in the spaces between them. I’m always too tired to do anything yet too restless to stay still. I’ve been finding myself dwelling upon thoughts of extraordinary violence lately. Maybe it’s just the heat. The wretched humidity.
The IGDA meeting was completely unproductive. We arrived over an hour late – mostly due to circumstances beyond our control – and spent the next two or so hours sitting there basically just staring at the sky and the cranes in the distance. Not to say that that in itself was bad – in fact, it was very calming and pleasant, and the evening was very nice – but I basically accomplished nothing the event itself was actually intended to provide.
Of course, that was all my fault: it’s not that I don’t know how to network, but rather, because of my social ineptitude, I find myself completely unable to meet new people at all, let alone network. I find it extraordinarily difficult to approach people and only react when I’m approached. In short, it’s the exact kind of thing you’re not supposed to do or be in this world.
Well, next month I won’t be able to attend it because I’ll be in Europe. Maybe by September I’ll finally find it within me to actually reach out and do something.
Didn’t get any work done today, but Sawyer came over and we watched some films. Tomorrow, we’re attending an IGDA event in Brooklyn – the same one we attended last month – and I find it astonishing that a month has already passed and I’ve barely registered it. The night has cooled significantly.
Drafted initial visuals for CH09. Looks like a bit of persistence paid off after all. I’m wondering if maybe I should commit to producing the visuals for each chapter every week? That would certainly help maintain a steady sense of momentum… of course, that’s entirely contingent upon me having actually having come up with the idea for the visuals in the first place, which, especially as I produce more and more of these, is not so certain…
I was able to recover a bit from my malaise today: I got some work done on the graphic assets for CH09, and so long as I can maintain this pace of progress I believe I’m in a position where I’ll be able to release something tomorrow. We’ll see if this persists, though.
(I doubt it.)
I’ve been troubled by dark thoughts again lately. I’m not quite sure what the impetus is for their return: maybe I’ve been spending too much time alone. Maybe it’s because all my income has once again dried up and I can feel my worth receding rapidly by the day. I don’t know. But every morning, I wake up with hatred and disgust in my heart. I can feel my thoughts growing more erratic, and on more than one occasion I have felt seized by bouts of paranoia regarding the presence of observers where realistically I understand there shouldn’t be any. My dreams have become haunted once again by strange and malevolent notions.
Thankfully, I’m an incredibly lazy and unmotivated human being and therefore I’m pretty confident these things won’t unravel into any larger plots or actions. The one undeniably positive side effect of all this is that I feel much more in tune with my work now.
And yet another day passes with no meaningful progress whatsoever. I didn’t even try today: I woke up in a wretched mood just around noon and stared out at the sky for a bit. Then I turned on my PS4 and that was pretty much it. It began to rain some time later – a real downpour – and it hasn’t stopped since. The temperature has fallen considerably but it’s become very humid. I just feel tired.
I have however come up with an idea for another chapter’s implementation. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get the visuals done by the end of Saturday but hopefully now that I have a good idea about what I’d like it to look like the actual work will come more easily. I’m gonna try to get to bed earlier tonight so that I can work longer tomorrow.
Today was yet another unproductive day. I cleaned and reassembled my keyboard but other than that I accomplished virtually nothing of worth. I’ve listened to “Goodbye Horses” eighty-seven times in the past two days.
Finally ported over to Studio 2! It was only a matter of time, I suppose. After having spent an entire month working in Studio 2, I’ve gotten too used to its (generally superior) workflow compared to 1.4. Everything was imported smoothly, much to my surprise, and the bulk of the remaining work was just a matter of fixing up 2’s fucking illegible default compatibility conversions with my personal naming conventions. As for the old GMX, well, 1.4’s image editor is still far superior to Studio 2’s, so I’ll continue using 1.4 for creating and editing graphics. I’ve completely purged it of everything else though. I doubt that after this, I’ll ever return to Studio for anything beyond editing graphics again.
I didn’t get anything else in terms of content done today, but this conversion has helped me recover a bit of much-needed momentum and has boosted my morale a bit. Hopefully I’ll be able to get more done this week now that I’m feeling a little better.
Ended up not working on much of anything today. I woke up late into the afternoon feeling completely hungover due to the humidity. I sat down, stared at the screen for several moments, completely disoriented; and then turned on my PS4 and completely ignored my responsibilities for the rest of the day.
I’ve only just recently begun to take note of just how much time I spend not just in front of a screen, but sitting in front of a screen in basically the exact same position for nearly 90% of my waking hours (and probably more, to be completely honest). At first when I think about it it seems okay and justified given the amount of work I have, but then it really begins to dawn on me just how abnormal and unacceptable – not to mention unhealthy – that likely is: and then I begin to think about how many years I’ve been living like this, day in and day out, rarely moving, rarely getting out to see the sun and breathe in fresh air…
Like I said, pretty unacceptable, to say the least.
Didn’t bother making a post last night: it was too hot and humid, and I was far too listless to do much of anything. Today I managed to finally finish working on the general visuals of 03: it turned out looking a bit better than I expected in some ways, although I still have to figure out what to do about the issues with the scale of the view. I also need to work on some more animations for the characters, as well as the actual interfaces for it (which I don’t imagine will be too difficult, to be honest). I’ll probably work on the animations tomorrow, and start the interfaces on Monday.
Independence Day. I mostly just worked on graphics for 03, nothing particularly noteworthy of mentioning. A lot of the work for this project progresses pretty slowly: not necessarily because it’s more difficult in a technical sense (although I suppose this could be considered a different kind of difficulty) but because so much of this game is conceptual. Coming up with all the different scenarios and their implementations is, for all intents and purposes, a seemingly arbitrary process dependent almost entirely on how I’m feeling that day. Although I think my mood has become more consistent in general – possibly as a result of my prolonged (although relative) isolation – it’s still very difficult for me to consistently maintain a stable enough state to work on a project involving this much emotional investment. Well, I suppose I have no other choice but to work on it. Hopefully in persisting through it I’ll be able to improve my resolve overall.
